No this isn’t some Tiny Tim, Christmas Carol-esque, feel good story, it’s a rich kid people are hyping for the NBA already of type of deal. Okay, so I’m not going to pretend for one single second that I understand the ‘Shoe Game’. Buying a pair of Jordans wont make you Jordan:

Besides, maybe it’s just me, but if I spend $100 on shoes, I don’t even want to wear them, much less play basketball on a concrete court in them. You’re better off shredding a hundred dollar bill IMO. But I did play pick up ball on the public courts in Brody Complex on MSU campus and guess who else did that?

Just Greg Kelser and Magic fucking Johnson. Am I saying I’m as good at basketball as Magic Johnson is, absolutely not, but I will say I’ve won as many NBA championships as Allen Iverson, and he’s in the Hall of Fame! Just saying.

But anyways, this video is so Lavar Ball’s brain child it’s not even funny. First of all what do cherries have to do with anything in this ad? Part of the shoe is red, is that it? Popped the 16 year old’s shoe cherry? That’s weird, and probably statutory rape of some kind. And somebody didn’t do their research, those look like Bing Cherries, which have pits, and you shouldn’t just bite into them. Well, unless you want to grow up to be a pirate instead of a NBA professional. How about that little quip, “old people just don’t get it,” aka hey LA kids, steal your parent’s credit card and buy $400 shoes with it, yes $400. Shit, LA parents would probably condone if not support that purchase, they have so much disposable income and spoiled/ out of touch children it’s just day to day normal for them. Do you know what I would do with $400? Pay my health insurance and a small part of my rent… yea… I’m jealous.

And is that Lonzo, second overall pick for the Los Angeles Lakers in the most recent NBA draft, rapping in the background? It seems like an oddly specific set of lyrics to be a pop song. Also no unintelligible references to changing hoes like flows ala Lil Uzi Vert, this guy:

Image result for lil uzi vert

I mean as a rapper, Lonzo is actually not bad, but the bar has been set sooo low recently. Like I can’t articulate how low. It’s just very, very literal rhymes about his kid brother’s Lambo, which in doing ‘research’ for this article, is NOT rented, it was in fact a gift for the 16 year old from his father for his birthday. Again, LA spoiled children. Uber jealous.

It’s at this junction though that I want to point out that at about 30 seconds when he collects the ball to pull up for that… cut… dunk, he’s WAY to far away from that basket. Totally would have been a travel.

And these shoes… they look like moldy watermelons. Am I alone in thinking this? Let me reiterate, $400. I can go down to the farmers market and buy some then smash them on a pair of Kirkland Signatures from Costco that I just picked up for pennies and get the same result.

And Lavar at the end, the cherries, man. Just note, he didn’t chew. IT’S BECAUSE THERE ARE FUCKING PITS IN THOSE CHERRIES!

The Naysh


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