Everything about this video is insane to me. The woman. The man. The man’s hand strength. It’s all absurd. And the only thing I can think of is this couple shouldn’t be married, because none of this makes any sense.

Now I’m not one of those never get married guys, I mean I’ll never get married, but I’m not going to automatically tell people they’re dumb for doing it. Just most of the time, because they’re dumb when they do it. In the age where Disney was fully locked and loaded throughout our childhood we’ve been sold the idea that we need to be in a relationship to feel self worth, and that all relationships are perfect. And so if they’re not, that must be your fault. That, or, if they’re not 100% perfect throw them to the wind. That’s why all of our generation are either married to the first person they had sex with or ‘get around’. Marriage is serious thing, 50% of first time marriages end in divorce, and the rest well, end when one of the partners dies. Neither seem like a great option. So don’t rush into it. Let’s break down most marriages today and why they are stupid.

1. Religious Marriages (the big and worst one). These are all of the Young Life people that would be disowned if they had sex before marriage. Well do you know what you did to your kids parents? You forced them to marry the first person that was willing to wait a few years before smanging. One of the couple always caves. One will want to hump. And then the other just acquiesces to marriage so they think the other will be happy. But then the sex sucks because nobody knows what they’re doing and so they get divorced and they are part of the 40 year old dating pool, the saddest group of people, or they stay married and just hate each other forever. The sad truth about sex is that it only gets worse. Doesn’t matter how ‘good’ you get at it, someone is the most excited to have sex with you the first time and every single time after that the best you can do is not be as much of a let down as expected this time. Even if it’s great the first time, you’ll always be chasing that performance. It’s a situation you can never win, and that’s how people get into BDSM and ass play and weird shit like that, but it doesn’t sound like it works, it just sounds weird. Real great marriage, kids.

2. The Young and in Love Marriages. These are just the kids who find someone, usually one of the kids the in-laws severely disapprove of (but not always), but they say “the world just doesn’t understand our love” and they get married. Now they’re 22 been married for a little bit and someone walks into their life that they’re like hey, I might want to smash that. And sometimes they do, but even if they don’t they’ll just hate the other person in the relationship for now ‘allowing’ them to do some poking. Real great marriage, kids.

3) The Hold Outs. These are the people in long term relationships that are flawed enough (not inherently through fault, they could just be different people) that they probably shouldn’t be continuing it but one or both parties are too scared that they wont find anything better so they string along till one of the people gives the ultimatum and so the marriage is thrust upon them. Since they were never really happy to begin with this just continues, only with the added hate from the deliverer of the ultimatum thinking, “I can’t believe I wasted my good years for this sack of shit,” and the recipient equally jaded for feeling forced. Real great marriage, kids.

All of these come from people rushing into marriage. And I can’t really fault the logic because it’s forced down our throats that if you’re not married by now what are you doing with your life? If I get married tomorrow, and knock her up on the wedding night, I will be well above 30 before that kid has any memories of me. That’s horrifying. So I get why some people rushed to get it done. But basic simple logic would say, if you don’t have a career (not a job, a career) don’t get married. If you live with your parents, don’t get married. If you haven’t lived with this person exclusively for a notable amount of time, then it is too soon to get married. Because if you don’t, you end up like this guy who’s wife is mad at him, is juvenile enough to fucking drive around the city with him hanging on the hood, and he’s stupid enough to be compelled to actually hold on to the hood because he needs this sorted out now. Real great marriage, kids.

The Naysh


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