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I’m ALL in on the don’t bring booby milk brownies to school bake sales. I live in Howard County Maryland, a county full of top shelf, blue ribbon, preeminent schools and the even just the Indian family got weird looks and no takers at the school bake sale for bringing vindaloo to it. I know vindaloo isn’t baked, I just think it’s a funny word, how about some baath cake, happy? You don’t bring weird shit to a bake sale is my point.

Now if you want to make breast milk brownies at home go for it. Just like if you want to make special brownies at home, be my guest. But you’re not bringing brownies with pot in them to lil’ johnny’s fundraiser are you? Well maybe in Colorado.

I mean this has to be in California right? It just sounds like a story from a state where Arnold Schwarzenegger is a revered politician but somehow Trump is the devil. I’m not talking politics here, I’m just saying on a Venn Diagram of the two there’s enough overlap that they shouldn’t be considered opposite ends of the political spectrum. Now, I’ve never breast fed myself but I’m pretty sure women don’t love pumping milk. The fact that you’d rather pump out a cup instead of going to the corner store seems a bit insane to me. But I could be wrong here, never lactated.

I think this lady is missing the point though. If she had thrown it out there as hey, I’m selling breast milk brownies I think everyone would have been okay with it. I mean I think they would sell way less, but what do I know? Some weird dads who haven’t been broken off in a while would probably go for it. The problem here is that you did it secretly, that you put your breast milk in people’s mouths without their consent. That’s rape. It was breast milk rape. It’s like thinking you’re going to have an amazing night of raw dog sex with Usher and next thing you know, boom he’s settled law suits with 3 women for not disclosing his Herpes. Now I’ve not seen the woman, if she’s a hottie maybe the breast milk brownies are a hit. If she is African American maybe the chocolate breast milk brownies could have extra richness and a nuance of flavors that could make Bobby Flay blush, maybe, I’m no foodie. But if I’m looking for a classic, wholesome brownie and I bite in and say, “it’s got this weird sour flavor, what is this milk unpasteurized?” and Peggy-Sue with the one tooth says, “nah, not past my eyes, just from my breasts,” I think I’m throwing up. Miss Trunchbull’s chocolate cake from Matilda grossed me out, but what do I know?

The Naysh

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