Via Daily Mail

A former religious leader in Canada has been found guilty of polygamy after marrying more than two dozen women over the course of 25 years.

Winston Blackmore, 61, was charged with practicing plural or ‘celestial’ marriage in the fundamentalist community of Bountiful, BC after he married 25 women. Blackmore has fathered more than 145 children from his marriages. 

It was Winston’s ex wife, Jane Blackmore, that brought him down. 

According to CBCNews Jane said in court Winston had told her he was ‘only doing what God told him to do,’ in having multiple wives.


Okay, I have sooooooo many questions here. First of all how are you sure that since Canada is cold as fuck they were just bunking together naked for warmth? It’s pure survival mode, guys. And 25 wives!?! It was hard enough managing 25 employees, and at the end of that night everyone gets to go their separate ways home. I’m shitty at having one girlfriend, 25 wives!?! I just can’t even imagine. And you know their cycles are all synced up, one week a month it’s 25 on one, and he’ll be playing a little 5 on 1 if you know what I mean (that was a masturbation joke). Honestly, if you can live to 61 with 25 wives, I’m on the man’s side, he must be a saint. A bonafide disciple of God.

except he looks like this:

https://i2.wp.com/i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/07/25/01/42A5CF4D00000578-0-image-a-4_1500941976161.jpg

soooooo?

Yea, that seems more apt. Honestly I don’t think 25 woman would agree to marrying that guy if they didn’t think it was a fair deal for them. I mean, 25 is far beyond the secret life thing, you can’t hide 24 wives from the other one. So I assume they’re cool with the situation. I want to know how the hierarchy of wives works. Are they ranked based on order of marriage? General age? How well they can protect the compound from yeti’s? Can the ranks be changed? Like if Ethyl decides shes willing to stick her tongue in weird places, does she gets a bump in the Power Rankings? Is there like a chart with spaces by each wife’s name where they can get a sunshine sticker or frowny cloud sticker for the day and at month’s end you have a Wife of the Month?

WotM copy

I have to say, I respect his management style. The 145 kids is even more crazy though. Like there’s no way he knows even half his children’s names. Middle child in a 3 child family usually turns out pretty neglected, imagine being 2nd-144th child… The penalty upon a conviction would be 5 years in prison. That’s five more years half his kids wont see him. To be honest I’m sure there are a couple he’s never met, it would just be impossible. I also don’t know how this would be hard to prove, “Hey there, buddy, you got multiple wives?” “Yup, 25, friend.” “Oh hey dere, guy, that’s illegal.” Open and shut. I also can’t shake the feeling that he’s a long lost Canadian Ryan brother…

Ryan Brothers.jpg

Yup. That just works too well. We don’t need 145 Canadian Ryan spawns running around. in 20 years they’ll own the CFL media cycle. Lock his procreating ass up!

The Naysh

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