China has banned pop idol Justin Bieber from performing on the mainland because of his “bad behavior” on and off the stage.
The Beijing Municipal Bureau of Culture said the ban was necessary to “purify” the country’s entertainment industry but suggested it was not permanent, expressing the hope that Bieber might improve his behavior and earn back the love of his fans. The 23-year-old singer-songwriter has had run-ins with the law over alleged drunk driving and drag racing.
Deciding to finally cut evil at it’s root, China has gone ahead and banned Bad Boy Justin Beiber. When asked if worried that being banned from a whole country would only increase his bad boy status in the eyes of young, dumb, and impressionable girls officials stated, “What Do You Mean?” Officials went on to state, “Everybody, Love Yourself, don’t, Love Me (pointing to s a picture of J Beibs). I’ll Show You (now referring back to himself) how to be Confident. He’s a Heartbreaker, and if you take a step back and Wait For A Minute, Life Is Worth Living when you forget about a fleeting pop singer and U Smile. Hold Tight, the Chinese government will Never Let You Go. Unless you want to travel, All Around The World. This is for the best. We wont say Sorry, truth is you’ll never date Justin, but without his distraction you will be free to find the Company of a Boyfriend, or Somebody To Love.”
When asked how they came to the decision, the Official stated it came down to a simple game of Eenie Meanie.
The Official then said the press conference was over and started to walk away when someone yelled if Bad Boy Beibs would ever be allowed back into China. The Official stopped and slowly turned around with a wry smile and a glint in his eye and said, “Never Say Never”
But seriously, they’re probably just worried that he would literally murder their diminutive sized women with his thunder cock that Calvin Klein photoshopped for him: