According to the British Medical Journal doctors removed 27 contact lenses from a woman’s eye while they were prepping her for a non related surgery. The woman claimed she had no knowledge of their existence in her eye but I suspect that was just a cover to hide an amazing secret she had uncovered.

Now I may be (and by may be I mean totally am) a college dropout but both my parents are doctors so I plan on going into the family business, they keep telling me I’m crazy, and that I need to be qualified, and I insist it’s all in who you know.

And there’s one thing I’ve ALWAYS touted in my medical expertise, when in doubt up the dosage. Got a headache? Need relief 3 times as fast? Take 3 times the dose. It simple math people.

AKA. Can’t see straight? Get contacts. Want super vision? Add more contacts and bless this woman’s heart, she wanted to see straight to heaven. Can’t blame someone for that. I wont. Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Want X-Ray Vision but don’t have $1 or a stamp, 27 contact lenses seems like a damn fine place to start to me.

contacts ad.jpg

Doctors hate her because of this one weird trick! 1080P? Obsolete. 4K? Archaic. 27CL (contact lenses)? The God Damned Future. We’re here living in 2017 and shes living in 3017. Stay golden pony lady.


**I feel obligated to mention here that in no way am I offering actual medical advice, and that this is satire. Have a good day**


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