Via AP

Police say customers and vendors at a supermarket subdued a Pittsburgh man who tried to steal $150 worth of steaks.

Witnesses tell police Twigg was putting the meat into a backpack when a vendor grabbed the bag, the store’s manager called 911 and customers chased Twigg and held him down until police arrived.


 

Look, Pennsyltucky gonna Pennsyltucky. I can’t hate a man for trying to jack some meat in a grocery store. That came out wrong. Now it’s weird. Let’s move on. And I’ll be honest, if you’re going to go that route, take steaks, you’re worth it. My problem is the method of theft. A backpack, Mission Impossible? A grown man wearing a knapsack is suspicious right off the bat. You have to know that. The second you walk into the store you have to know that you’re getting eyeballed 100% of the time you’re in there. Clearly an amateur meat packer. You’ve got to study up and learn your meat swiping history:

Respect the men that paved the way for your Rib Robbing. Only reason that guy got caught was he got cocky. That third rack of ribs is what put him over the top. You have to know your limits. Now me personally, I can probably get maybe two Hillshire Farm Lit’l Smokies down the trousers before people are like, that’s not your body, but everyone is different. Get creative the only limitation to your Carrion Capers is your imagination:

I well know every man in Pennsyltucky wakes up every morning thinking, “I’m gonna jack some meat in public today,” but take the Philly motto and Be a Total Asshole Respect the Process.

The Naysh

 

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