Looks like Jupiter attracted two more hot little moon vixens to it’s harem. Is it safe to call Jupiter the Gronk of the Planets? It’s big, mostly hot air, and has an affinity for the number 69. In fact I found Jupiter’s High School Senior photo:


It’s 2017, so I don’t assume gender, but Jupiter is an out of this world tease. It’s just out there, orbiting, with its big red gash, leading on all these moons, but not letting any of them get close enough to seal the deal. Not cool, Jupiter. But that’s unfair, despite what you’re wearing Jupiter, the world needs to stop victim blaming. Enough, we need to stop all of this satellites will be satellites excuses. Satellites have to realize in a civilized universe they can’t just go out and moon a planet and expect to just get some. What happened to courtship? What happened to chivalry? Come on Io, maybe if you took Jupiter out once instead of just wandering aimlessly around all the damn time, maybe Jupiter will feel like this relationship is going somewhere other than just in circles. Get cultured, may I suggest a concert? Maybe some Mozart? Symphony no 41 should do the trick:

The Naysh


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