Per The Daily Cat

Dr. McComb and Georgia Mason, a professor at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, suggest cats might purr in at least four ways:

  • Contentment purr This is “the relaxing one,” says Dr. Mason. It’s the common low frequency rumbling we both hear and feel.
  • Silent purr Purrs can occur as silent forms that we humans feel but not hear. Kitten purrs are particularly easy to feel, probably because of a kitten’s ability to communicate “all is well” to its natural mother.
  • Solicitation purr This is the newly identified purr with the embedded baby-like cry. “It’s amazing the way certain cries are recognized by humans as needy, even by non-cat owners,” says Dr. Mason.
  • Pain purr Cats also sometimes purr when they’re extremely ill. No one is certain why, but some experts have speculated the felines are attempting to comfort themselves.

Cats are assholes.

Now, I’m not a cat “hater” per se. I love cat videos, just not cats. I’m saying I would never own one.

See, I’m “hip”. I “get it”

The only thing worse than Cats are “Cat People” and here’s why: Cat People are people always looking for validation from something that can never love them. But they’ll tell everyone that, ” you just wouldn’t understand, my cat loves me”, aka “I’m special”

If you’re so special, why will your cat eat your dead corpse when you die alone in your studio apartment? (its not a gross video, it’s a link to a scholarly article)

And that’s what this “types of purring” nonsense perpetuates. In the article it states, “If you have heard the solicitation purr, consider yourself lucky.” because it mostly only develops in, “cats that have a one-on-one with their owners.” Oh really? How convenient. You mean to tell me I can ONLY hear this SPECIAL purr if I have a SUPER SECRET bond with my cat? Cat People will. eat. that. shit. up. Because Cat People are the ones doing Yoga with their cats:

Cat People think things like this are useful and not at all a complete waste of money:

cat

Video from DIY Network

Cat People are illogical. They think something that wants nothing to do with them loves them. And they wonder why the stereotype of them ending up alone exists. Crazy Cat Ladies are a thing because T. gondii exists in cat poop and T. gondii is associated with schizophrenia:

If Cats are so great Egypt would be relevant in 2017 instead of just the place where Pyramid Tourism has declined.

Show me a Cat Person and I’ll show you a person who thinks that by crushing up a bag of chips that they are making more chips. But god bless you Cat People, because without you, I wouldn’t have this:

and that shit is funny

Advertisements

1 Comment »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s