I just saw this picture, and my brain instantly was reminded how, all other things aside, Justin Tucker would be the WORST party guest.


He’s the guy that shows up obnoxiously early and then makes the joke to everyone arriving, “fashionably late, huh? Not with that outfit…” “I got all this ready on time, and then some.” (humble brag). Justin Tucker is the guy at the party who complains about the lack of flavored seltzer waters.

Point is Justin Tucker is the guy that makes everything about himself:

Everyone is walking off the field, but he’s enforcing dancing stereotypes about white people at a party only he’s at. Now I’m not here to talk about his talent, he’s a good kicker, maybe the best right now, but fuck it. DUDE, you’re a KICKER, the first NCAA Football Scholarship for a woman just went to a kicker. Being the best kicker is like being the youngest person in your graduating class, yea its an accomplishment, you’re successful, but only you really care, and it doesn’t get you laid.

Justin Tucker is the guy that makes a joke about how he hopes the punch isn’t spiked at a picnic every time he gets a new glass.

Justin Tucker is the guy at the picnic who moves from group to group and his icebreaker every time is, “boy, these red solo cups remind me of college,”

Don’t see it yet? Let’s go to the tapes:

A real life Coop Cooper:

Justin Tucker is the guy that makes a bee line for every black guy at the party and immediately asks what they thought of the new Kendrick Lamar Album

Justin, if you’re reading this, Memorial Day is the around the corner, you’re not invited this year


I don’t want to say I’m doing the Lord’s work, but perhaps the Lord’s Journalism at least…



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